It started with a wink.
My husband David and I met on Match.com when he showed up in my weekly report of new guys on the site matching my preferences. He had an awful profile picture (think: taken with a cell phone camera in a moving car), but I loved everything else about his profile, from the description of himself to what he was looking for in a partner. So, I virtually winked at him. He sent me a message the next day
Fast forward 16 months and I was moving to Chicago as his bride.
It sounds easy enough but my road to the altar was a long and arduous one.
Dear Love InshAllah,
I’m reaching out to you now because no one in my life understands, but you might.
I always felt I never fit in, too “white” or “liberal” for my strict Muslim community in the Midwest, too “conservative”, too Muslim to be with a white guy. I met someone online who changed that, a white guy who understood. He even read ‘Love InshAllah’ because he said he wanted to understand where I was coming from.
We have been together for a year, and now it is falling apart, due to some issues he has in the past with being abandoned by his mother. He says he still loves me.
I thought he was the one for me, I still believe he is. We are on a “break” – the ball is in his court, if he decides he can “learn to be happy and deal with personal issues” we will get back together and “start over.” If not, it is over.
I feel like I will never find happiness. I’m almost 26, I’m no longer in school, I work with people who are all over 50, I don’t mesh well with the “Pakistani community” here, no big group of desi friends. Because I don’t drink, I also don’t have that many non-Muslim friends. Just four good friends from high school and everyone else is an acquaintance.
I see nothing but a life of loneliness ahead of me. No Muslim guy would want me if he knew about relationship history, and I don’t want to keep dating white guys, racking up partners, being heartbroken. I feel like each heartbreak (and this is only heartbreak #2) is taking a piece of my soul with it.
I feel like I have no options at all. I feel broken. I feel like I am going to be alone forever and I don’t know how to be happy with that. I can’t sleep but I don’t want to leave my bed either. My state of being is so painful to my family and the guilt makes it worse.
I keep hearing the “horror stories.” The 40-year-old, never-married girl, everyone trying to figure out what’s wrong with her. I’m afraid of becoming that.
Not Everyone Has a Happy Ending
Shy Desi Boy replies:
Our love this Friday for this beautiful short film where our brothers speak out about how violence against women hurts everyone, including men. Words by Eve Ensler, film by Tony Stroebel
Our ode to men speaking on love & intimacy continues this week as singer, songwriter, musician, husband, and father, Josh Garrels, shares his perspective on the meaning of love.
Ed. note: The author of today’s post won our Eid contest, “tweet us your love story,” with her entry: “I came to a foreign town & Couchsurfed while finding an apartment. Moved out in a week & moved back in 10 mths later, married.” This is her story…in more than 140 characters.
It was the autumn of 2010. I had made several applications for a postgraduate course in four different cities and I was finally down to two choices. Between London or The Hague, I figured Holland would be less expensive and I would eat better food.
I was a self-funded student and I was looking for the cheapest alternative for everything, especially since I had spent the last two months desperately raising funds. I didn’t expect the university hostel to be so expensive (400 euros, seriously?), so I looked to Couchsurfing for tips.
This isn’t a CS request, but a general request for help if you know anyone that has a room (in student housing or otherwise) to rent — I’m going to study in Den Haag from this September onwards. I’ve posted some ads but I’m finding it quite difficult… If you have any information at all it would help me a lot, thank you so much!
p/s: I hope you make it to India!
Your message reminds me of the need to update my profile again. I actually did make it to India – about a year ago! Haha! Well, anyway, I don’t know about any rooms for rent at the moment. Den Haag can be quite difficult because of all the expats living in the city. There are a few websites that offer rooms (however they do charge quite a high fee for “finding” you a place).
One thing you could actually try is contact my friend, L, who actually moved to Den Haag, surfed my couch for a week and spent her time looking for an apartment. She’s moving to Copenhagen soon and might have her awesome room still free for the next person. Or she might be able to ask a few people since she knows a lot of folks that do internships here.
Oh, and if you need a place to bridge the time from arrival to moving into your new room, you are of course always welcome to Couchsurf at my place
Good luck, and take care!
I had no idea as to what would happen in the next ten months – it was as much a surprise to me as God’s plans usually are.