Ed. note: Today our columnists are answering two similar questions that came in within days of one another.
Dear Love InshAllah,
I am happily married, and have been so for the past six years. Our sex drives, though, were never compatible; last year we had a very open and loving discussion where I suggested that he might be asexual. After some consideration, he agreed. Sex wasn’t very often (maybe 1-2 times a year) but now it is nothing. I’m not comfortable discussing this with my Imam, who is fairly conservative. Although my husband doesn’t have a sex drive, I do. I’m a sex-positive person, but don’t know how to navigate this issue in my life. I’ve been praying (for years) but am still stuck. I’m not interested in divorce; we’re very compatible in almost every other way. Is touching and physical intimacy no longer a part of my life?
My Husband is Asexual
Dear Love InshAllah,
I have been married for nearly three years now. The problem is that I have a high sex drive while my husband has little or at times no sex drive. We go 2-3 months without having sex. It leaves me so frustrated mentally and physically! When we do have sex, it is over within a minute or two which is even more frustrating. Lately I have been thinking about satisfying myself because this frustration is killing me, but I don’t feel like going down this path. I have started working out to vent out that pent up sexual energy but still sometimes it gets overwhelming. I have tried dressing provocatively, talking dirty, and discussing this problem with my husband but, according to him, I am the one who has a problem. Please help me. What should I do? I am going crazy.
A Lonely Wife
Shy Desi Boy replies:
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It starts at home. I’m doing the dishes and listening to a podcast. I’m about to rinse off when my brother walks through the front door. “About time,” I think. Salman’s been gone for a while and I was beginning to wonder when he was coming back. We put on some tea, sit down and watch an old episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, making fun of Worf during the commercials.
That’s when I wake up.
I have this dream every other week. I hate it – not the dream, but being ripped away from it. Waking up is like finding out my brother died all over again.
Rounding out our weekend of awesome women:
27-year-old Raha Moharrak made history by becoming the first Saudi woman to conquer Mount Everest yesterday.
Moharrak’s ascent is the latest step in changing attitudes towards women and sports in Saudi Arabia. The kingdom fielded its first female Olympians at the 2012 Games and officially permitted sports in private girls schools for the first time earlier this month.
Read more at CNN.
Meet two more awesome women after the jump!
Afghan Air Force 2nd Lt. Niloofar Rhmani made history May 14, 2013 when she became the first female in over 30 years to successfully complete undergraduate pilot training and earn the status of pilot. She will continue her service as she joins the Kabul Air Wing as a Cessna 208 pilot.
Zainab Chaudary is Love Inshallah’s resident geek. Look for her column, “The Geekologist” every third Wednesday of the month!
First rule of Fight Club: you do not talk about Fight Club.
First rule of Browncoats: aim to misbehave.
First rule of Whovians: you never forget your first Doctor.
Every geek has a poison of choice. Yes, you can fan out over multiple shows and let your mind wander the ‘verse of “Firefly” or the final frontiers of “Star Trek.” But there’s always that one thing you connect with above all others – a show, a character, or a comic book hero. My poison of choice? A little British show about a 900-year old alien Time Lord with two hearts, (mostly) human physiology, and the ability to regenerate himself when on the verge of death: “Doctor Who.”
In 2006, I was working at a bookstore, navigating my way back to a life I no longer recognized after three years of living abroad. Life was different and yet the same, and like the Doctor, the new layered onto the old. When a coworker introduced me to Doctor Who, I recognized something of myself in it, in the man who travels, never ceasing, never stopping, and in the people who travel with him, only to inevitably get left behind. Like most sci fi and fantasy, it is the fantastical premise that throws universal human-ness into sharp relief and depicts the reality of being human better than any sitcom with a canned laugh track. These shows are unafraid to take risks, and prepare their fan base for anything. Even separation. Even death.