apologies

MamoolForBreakfast_Header-01 Nashwa K

You fold yourself, shrinking for decades.
Starting questions with “sorry.”

You don’t want to stay lonely,
But solitude feels so good.

like a small animal, i rage.
why so apologetic?

slowly folding until you are a tiny faded flag
of surrender.

Read more by Nashwa, here.

Nashwa Khan identifies as South Asian/African Diaspora and is currently studying creative writing at University of Toronto and Addictions Counselling at McMaster University. She holds a strong interest in narrative medicine and cultural competency. You can usually find her ranting on Twitter on the intersections of pop culture, health and race. Connect with her @nashwakay.

 


The Land of Hope & Glory

MamoolForBreakfast_Header-01 Nashwa K

my grandma spoke the language of milk and cardamom

she couldn’t fly but I swear she had wings
the world in her henna-dressed palms
rhythm of her heart still sings
hair trimmed with peacock feather wings

my grandma lives through stories
labour of a cinnamon brown woman
she lived without glories
paan leaves and cumin

Peacock feather

her children crossed an ocean
threadbare clothes in tow
luggage lost
nowhere to go

her grandchildren water down their names
tongues swollen with apologies
for a land of hope and glory

Read more by Nashwa, here.

Nashwa Khan identifies as South Asian/African Diaspora and is currently studying creative writing at University of Toronto and Addictions Counselling at McMaster University. She holds a strong interest in narrative medicine and cultural competency. You can usually find her ranting on Twitter on the intersections of pop culture, health and race. Connect with her @nashwakay.


Connecting to God & Ummah through Poetry this Ramadan

Tanzila Ahmed

Tanzila Ahmed

This Ramadan has been hard. The long summer solstice days and deep heat. The nation charged with racial tensions. The obligatory iftars, the late night taraweeh, the early suhoor. The problematic tafsirs with implicit “-isms” that are so triggering. The thirst, the faltering, the not knowing if your piety is enough, and the wondering why piety doesn’t entail feeling more.

It is in this time of chaos and reflection that I choose to write. It’s the only way I know how to calm my mind, to focus my feelings. I know that if I can commit myself to writing one poem every day, that in those words I find healing energy, time to reflect, and a connection with Allah. It is for this reason that every Ramadan I challenge myself to writing a poem daily.

This year marks the second year I’ve hosted an online Poetry a Day for Ramadan virtual writing group. With close to fifty members, the only rule for poets is they must commit to writing daily. They can share if they want to. Just write. Make art.

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Breast Self-Examination: A Poem

Trigger warning: Sexual abuse.

608burqa

Slathering Mediterranean Rose bath gel over
my breasts,
preparing for my monthly
self-examination,
hands slipping and sliding as the
sweet-smelling aroma of rose rises
to my nostrils,
taking me away from the present task,
transporting me back to
numerous summer afternoons,
long ago,
alone in my bedroom,
lying on top of my white chenille bedspread
amidst a field of pink and blue
yarn-tufted flowers,
eyes rolled back into my head,
breathing long and steady,
perky nipples perched
atop minute mounds of soft flesh
that in my 13-year old mind
passed for a woman’s breasts,
nipples as hard as
fresh-shucked sweet peas,
the touch of my own hands
lightly pinching
kneading
stroking
rubbing
feeling far better than the touch of anyone else or
anyone since,
including that of my Uncle Tony.

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I Am

MamoolForBreakfast_Header-01

Nashwa K

Nashwa Khan

Eds. Note: Please welcome Nashwa Khan, whose column “Mamool For Breakfast” will be appearing the first Tuesday of every month!

“What are you?”

I am both cursed and blessed,
Feeling so deeply,
I am woman and song,
I am pages of unfinished stories.

“Where are you from?”

I am from a mix of fierce and fragile,
honey and salt,
creation and destruction,
from the earth, sky and ocean.

“Where are you originally from ?”

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Poem for people who ask me when I “went natural”

Nijla1

I was brought up in a kitchen

with a towel around my neck

and a hot comb hissing
 

I was born

half past a yellow bone

with fine tooth combs that broke upon third use
 
I was born with beadies at the back of my neck

brushed quickly in the morning
 

I was born South Carolina dry

something like twine and cotton

in my grandmother’s hands
 
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Silent Dhikr

Key Ballah

Key Ballah

1. My name is too long to fit into the tiny space of your mouth.

2. My God is too big to be affected by the pebbles you throw with your tongue.

3. I am too beautiful to care whether your sons are comfortable with the black fabric in place of my bare skin.

4. My father’s beard is none of your business.

5. My mother’s henna spotted hands can strangle the appropriation out of you.
 
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