Advice: Sleeping with my best friend

Dear Love, InshAllah:

I’ve had a best friend for 4-5 years. I started developing feelings for him. He, like me, is a Muslim. I realized I loved him after he started dating my friend. They dated for about six months. I wanted to be with him and convinced myself that I was going to make him fall in love with me. There were many girls after he broke up with my friend, but during this time we got closer. Eventually, he became physically attracted to me and we spent a night together.

Since then, our friendship has been on a downhill spiral. He would say he loves me but didn’t want us to date because he didn’t want to ruin our friendship and that it would be weird. He said I deserved better. But then we started sleeping together. I finally thought that he had developed feelings for me.

I found out recently that he was “talking” to another girl while we were sleeping together. He sent a proposal for that girl’s hand in marriage two weeks after the last time we slept together. He was supposed to be my best friend. I don’t understand why he did this to me. I feel so used and broken. I slept with him because I thought it meant he knew we were going to get married, that he wanted to get married.

Now he is engaged. I feel disgusting. I am a decent Muslim. I betrayed my faith for those nights I spent with him. My heart is so broken, I feel like I will never heal. I feel like I will fear loving someone for the rest of my life. I’m also very angry. So so so angry and jealous. Why does he get to be happy? He doesn’t deserve it after stepping on me like that. I even sent a message to his fiancée telling her we slept together. She doesn’t know about the two other girls he’s been with. I know it isn’t my place to punish him but I’m so hurt. I’ve even thought about how much easier it would be if I ended my life. But then I think about my parents and how much pain that would cause them.

Will I ever heal? How? I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried praying and focusing on Islam but I do not feel worthy. I feel guilty for turning to God when I am in pain. Why did I not turn to him when I was happy and felt good? I’m being selfish, turning to God only because I want Him to take away the pain.

Sincerely,
Sleeping with my Best Friend

Shy Desi Boy replies:

Lately I have been thinking some generalizations are acceptable. Here are two: Miami Heat fans are insufferable and men are lousy. Men do not push themselves to do more, to be more, to understand the immense and lopsided privilege they enjoy, to acknowledge the power they have to hurt (and conversely to heal).

According to a recent New York Times article, forty percent of women killed worldwide were slain by their partner. Forty percent. Again I will re-iterate my earlier point: men are cruel.

This is something you learned the hard way and I am sorry you had to experience this. I am sorry we live in a world where a man thinks it is ok to sleep with a woman while also talking about marriage with another.

You have every right to be angry, disappointed, confused, sad, and jealous. These are important emotions: embrace them. Use them to be more productive at work, to run farther when you are on the treadmill, to stay up longer at night reading, to build a stronger relationship with God, to be empathetic in a way this person was not to you.

Because right now the most important thing to do is to love yourself. You are probably pulling your hair and thinking why did I ever allow myself to sleep with this guy.

Do not let anyone tell you this.

You did not make a mistake. You loved this person and you believed that by becoming intimate with this person, your love would grow and cement a relationship. This person did something rotten but there was something about him that made you want to be intimate with him. That emotion and love, like your pain now, is also real. And you will heal. I promise. You will find someone who will make you happier. Who will please you more. Who will value you. Who will respect you.

In an earlier column, I wrote about my desire to end my life and how I overcame these emotions. I also wrote about how the first woman I loved—and shared a bed with—cheated on me. I am grateful for each of these experiences because they make me a more present partner in my current relationships.

I understand you want to alert his family, his fiancée, his friends but I believe there is immense dignity in withholding this. This is a lesson his fiancée has to learn. If he was physically or emotionally abusive (and he indeed may have been), then I think it is your responsibility to tell as many people as possible to avoid him. Otherwise they are embarking on their own course and I believe the more we wish bad on others, the more our ill feelings turn back and rot on ourselves.

And I am more concerned for you. I know how hard this is. There have been so many times when I stood on a balcony and wondered why I don’t just jump. After all, how do I recover from all this hurt that I have accrued?

But then something beautiful always happens. Last week I was very down about something and then someone who I barely know sent me a hand drawn comic of me. It was odd but also immensely flattering. And it re-affirmed the idea that life is full of surprises, tiny beautiful surprises, that make life worth living.

You will bounce back from this. You will share your love with someone who only wants to be with you. And that moment will be especially beautiful not despite this present hurt but because of it.

Miss Sunshine replies:

You will heal. Time really does heal wounds. There is a hadith qudsi where Allah (swt) says “I was a hidden treasure, then I wished to be known. I created creation so that I could be known.” We are, by our natures, self-centered creatures. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because another hadith tells us that s/he who knows themselves knows her/his Lord. Your life’s work is to gain this wisdom. We were created to be works in progress, so don’t waste your life energy beating yourself up over fulfilling the divine plan. Mistakes, my dear, are inevitable. If pain is what brings you to Allah (swt) then accept God’s grace in drawing you to him, and count it as a lesson learned. There are other lessons to be learned, too, ones that salve the wound and save you future pain.

First: You cannot make someone love you. You can arouse them. You can act lovingly toward them. You can have lovely sex with them. But you cannot make someone love you. You must love yourself.

Second: As Maya Angelou wisely said, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” He made it pretty clear what he was about, but you convinced yourself that sex would turn him around. Despite what the romantic comedies and other fairy tales try to tell us, sex is not magical. Penises and vaginas do not have the power to create romantic love. He may love you, and he may want to have sex with you, but those two things together are not enough to equal commitment and fidelity. But I don’t believe he behaved lovingly. He behaved like someone who valued sex above your friendship and then acted according to his values. A good step toward treating yourself more lovingly would be cutting communication with this man.

Third: Your selfishness is not in turning to God, but rather turning on his fiancée. Talking to her about your relationship is spiteful. You don’t do her any good by telling her that the two of you slept together. Despite what you’ve written here, there is no way for you to know how much she knows. She may very well be aware of his past; she could have one of her own. What is between the two of them is their business. Interfering in his new relationship does nothing but needlessly create drama, and it makes you look petty. Stay away from him, from her, and if possible from social circles that involve the two of them.

Fourth: You’re investing too much emotional energy in someone else, and you need that energy to make some changes in your life. It’s time to sit down and review your beliefs about love. Take an honest look at what you want and need, as well as what you have to offer. Focus on treating yourself and others with love and respect. Only invest your energy in those who will reciprocate.

I wish you the best.


18 Comments on “Advice: Sleeping with my best friend”

  1. Nadia says:

    Salaam sister. Firstly, you admit you’ve done something wrong, and that is good. It means you have a conscience. You have something at your disposal- Toubah or repentance. This is priceless. Before you do anything else, pray to the Almighty to forgive you, repent sincerely and believe that He will forgive you. And then don’t commit the sin again. Secondly, because you’ve repented, I promise you’ll feel lighter. Allah (SWT) says if you walk towards Him, He will run towards you. Allah loves to forgive, and He loves us, so you speak to Him, whatever is in your heart, and let it become lighter. Let Him handle your problems. Feeling unworthy of Allah’s grace and mercy is something we all feel, but we still ask Him for our needs because He has told us to. Don’t feel disheartened. You’re not the only one who’s been through this, and I can understand how hard it must be to live through. But inshaa’Allah you WILL get through it. And thirdly, cut off ALL ties with this guy. It’s clear he is no friend, and he has made it plain he doesn’t want you. By trying to break up his relationship you are damaging your own reputation further. Leave them be, and you concentrate on yourself. Inshaa’Allah the right person will come along who will accept you for YOU, and you’ll not have to force them to love you. Oh, and don’t waste your precious life on filth like him. All the best.

  2. SCM says:

    ShyDesiBoy, telling her she did not make a mistake is terrible feedback/advice! I know you mean well, but from my point of view, I knew someone very similar to this, at least from what I am reading here. I usually try to be compassionate and not judgmental, but I think the sister is lying to herself. I think if she thinks deeply about this, she knew everyone deep down from the beginning. She sounds like she instigated a whole lot of drama and honestly brought this upon herself. Now she is angry and blaming the guy. Yes, he’s probably an asshole, but she has equal blame in this, and now she continues to be dramatic and insist on having things her way. Life is not a daytime soap opera for goodness sake. The girl I know who this story reminds me of, she has repeated this type of behavior multiple times already, tried to kill herself over it, and constantly demands pity and sympathy from the people around her. It is time people behave like adults and take responsibility for their actions. This sister does not sound naive at all, she sounds like she does not want to take responsibility. Miss Sunshine’s advice was excellent. Again, I apologize if this comes off as harsh, but I have seen first hand the damage this kind of behavior can do, and I’m all about people taking personal responsibility.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I too betrayed my faith with a guy – but a guy who promised to marry me. I didn’t sleep with him (and I am greatful every day that I stood my ground on that), but we kissed all the time. It might not seem like that is the worst thing, but if you know the type of girl I am, it was a very big deal as I am very conservative (and he appeared to be so too). I only did it because he told me he was he was having a very difficult time disciplining himself before our wedding. I tried to resist, and told him that anything could happen and things could break off, but he was offended that I even questioned if we would get married since we were on that path with our parents involved. He agreed to not have physical contact, but one day, he just moved in on me before I even knew what happened. I pushed him away, but he kept pushing back, and since there was so much mutual attraction, it was hard to resist. I felt so guilty that first time, but he held my hands and told me he understood it was such a big deal, and we were getting married in no time. But once it happened one time, it was more difficult to resist each time after that, especially since we were so attracted to each other. But in the end, we didn’t end up get married for other reasons and he got married to someone else. It figures.

    It made me feel disgusting for a long time. I felt like I compromised my values and that I knew better. I felt like maybe Allah was punishing me because I knew better and let it happen anyway. And I was so mad that he seemed like a good muslim, but he took advantage of me and got physical even though he knew how much I wanted to wait. He was a selfish loser. I felt used. And that people would still think he was so religious and a good guy. I didn’t know how I would explain it to another good guy in the future.

    Years later, I’ve healed from that experience, and you will too. It was very difficult for me to look in the mirror for a long time, but I forgave myself because I am only human, and I repented so much to Allah. Allah will run to you if you walk to Him. I should have gone with my instincts and now I will never compromise those values again. And not that you should want anything bad for this guy, but I agree with the advice above that what goes around comes around, so do not be preoccupied with that. I do not know why, but this guy ended up getting divorced. I felt bad when I heard that, that maybe I should have told his wife because I would have wanted to know if I was marrying a bad guy like this, and she had to learn the hard way. But it was not my place and she would have only beleived him. People who decieve others will get their fair share, if not in this world, than in the afterlife.

  4. Sista mista says:

    she didnt do anything wrong Shy Desi Boy? isnt adultery haram? or are we pretending that part wasnt really meant to be taken literally.

    u committed zinah and what happens is between u and God. good luck with that. Me? done it a couple of times too. I have mended my ways, i suggest u keep ur legs closed.

    • Hyde says:

      ZIna…funny word. Since most “Muslims” use that to mean they just had sex. So let’s stop dilly-dallying around and just say a lot of muslims have sex and do relationships left and right just like non-muslims and stop pretending games.

  5. masooma3333 says:

    Sometimes sleeping with someone does not make you in his eyes a better candidate for marriage, but rather a worse one. Young women often do not know this or believe their guys are somehow different. Young girls (and older women too) need to understand that self restraint and respect is an absolute necessity for your sanity and well-being, and that putting out doesn’t make someone love you or necessarily indicate a commitment on his part to you. It doesn’t even necessarily indicate love. And even if it does, love does not always equal marriage. The only real indication of a commitment is an actual marriage contract, regardless of what we think or what someone says or what we believe to be true.

    You may be hurt by him, but he didn’t necessarily lead you on, you may have read more into things than what was there. Both of you did wrong, and it is a sad, hard lesson to learn that many more than you may realize have to learn, unfortunately.

    However, making a mistake and sinning doesn’t mean you can’t move forward from this point. God is Merciful and you must have hope in that and just be the best you that you can be from this point forward. That includes being chaste outside of marriage from now on, leaving him and his fiance alone and letting go of anger as much as possible, simply because it eats you alive. You can be a good girl who just made a mistake that you will not repeat, or you can let one mistake lead you down a darker path – it is up to you.

    Also, you need to go for a gynecological exam. If he has been with you and two others that you know of, there is a possible of venereal disease. There may be other women you do not know about. It doesn’t matter that they are all Muslim – venereal disease is spread in Muslims, too.

    As for another relationship in the future – give yourself time, and rethink your priorities about what makes a man a good candidate for marriage and the best way to go about finding and marrying such a person, and pray to God for help. Do not rush into anything you feel you are not ready for. If you are still feeling very angry, you may not do right by a potential spouse – you want not only someone good for you, but the ability to be good for that person, as well.

  6. Atefeh TheKuwaitiGurl says:

    Salaam Sister,

    Firstly, Stop calling that person your best friend. He is unworthy of the title. A real best friend wouldn’t have started a sexual relationship he had no plans on turning into marriage. He is not your friend. He is a foe if I ever heard of one.

    My advice to you is to focus on yourself. Forgive him for being so cruel, and pray for his wife. You got off lucky! She will forever have to spend her life with his man, and Allah-swt being just will cast judgment upon him ( and as a result her…). You may never see the judgment, but believe me- it is coming. Unfortunately, a lot of Muslim brothers ( well…men in general) believe that Allah will somehow overlook the pain they cause just because they are themselves. That their sins are instantly forgiven because they are men. This is not true. All sins committed by man or women are the same in the eyes of God although many like to ignore that fact. Repent, and be happy that Allah will truly forgive you. He made your heart, he knows how to mend it!
    The Qu’ran teaches that “Good women are for good men.” So keep this in mind. What he did to you have more to say of him then it does of you. You are a good woman, I am sure! Virginity does not make you a good woman- just a virgin. And as a good woman you are meant for a good man. Change your perception, maybe this was Allah swt saving you for a true good man! Be grateful, Sister. And in the meantime try these steps:
    1. Stop speaking with him, his family, friends and those of his fiancée as well. It’s time to rebuild your other friendships. And Start fresh. Your situation WILL NOT become the new gossip. Just leave. 100% Go. Trust me.
    2. Focus on you. Do what you like to do. Change your haircolor or get a new hobby. Just reinvent yourself into a woman YOU can be proud of.
    3. Pray more. Only God alone will get you through this pain. Do NOT focus on his future with his wife. Focus on the good man Allah swt will be sending you Inshallah. Think about how you will meet him, about the feeling of happiness you will experience when he sends a proposal and about your beautiful Nikkah. Think about “him”- manifest your new relationship without going into a fantasy land. It will help you!
    4. When you meet that new man and you will- GO SLOW! Build a foundation, DO NOT have sex for at least for 3 months or even until marriage if you can manage. Really get to know him. Have experiences with him in all emotional stages, and ONLY when he truly and fully expresses feelings of ROMANTIC love are you permitted to reciprocate them back to him. Trust me. You don’t have to be indifferent you just have to be wise.
    5. Leave it up to Allah.
    And if you need a friend, please do not hesitate to message me. I understand what you are going through more than most. I thought I could never make it through, but here I am. Inshallah in a year’s time you’ll be happily married to someone worthy of your love and loyalty.
    Be at peace, not in pieces- Atefeh❤

  7. bushrashk says:

    AOA sister, i can understand how it feels because somehow i have gone through this phase too. Not that intense as yours, but i have felt this kind of jealousy and intimacy for someone.. Those moments, i used to feel same that i am in some quagmire which has no escape! But i was wrong. Time is certainly a best healer. I assure, that u will outgrow as an optimist, better, successful and a happy person with time if you concentrate on yourself. If you concentrate on becoming a better Muslim and moving closer to Allah. Allah’s benevolence has no limits. Repent and ask for His forgiveness and work on yourself. Work on your studies and love yourself . It will take time but its worth it🙂

  8. girlwonder77 says:

    My story is similar to yours. I had a “best friend” who became more but had a woman on the side unbeknownst to me. I want you to know that 1) he was never truly your best friend. If he was he never would have disrespected you so much. 2) you are better off. It is easy to feel like you lost out on something great. What you need to do is sit down and think about all those times that you didn’t feel so happy. That he made you question your faith, he ruined your self esteem or made you wait around forever for a phone call. Remember it as an actual relationship, and you will see that he is not as great as you think. Abd finally 3) yes you made a mistake. But isnt it better to know now, while youre young and have your wholelife ahead of you, that you are better off? Remember this and you will be fine. 3 yrs later for me and I have never been happier. There is hope.

  9. JC says:

    Assalaamu alaykum sister
    First, ignore ShyDesiBoy. What I’m sorry for is that we live in a world where we Muslims don’t hesitate to sleep with a person we are not even married to. Let’s be clear before we start with anything else – sex outside of marriage is sinful and overall a BAD thing emotionally, physically and spiritually.

    Secondly, remember that it is not possible for us, as humans, for a man and a woman to be best friends. Even such a “best friend” relationship is rooted in a level of attraction that may not be immediately apparent. Clearly, you experienced this yourself – you began to feel attraction towards this boy. THAT was the moment you should have cut off your friendship with him. I too have worked with, been friends with and gotten to know someone, who when I noticed some attraction, at least on my own part, I backed off or ended the friendship (in a subtle but effective way), until I found the one person I wanted to marry, and then I went to my parents first.

    Third, this boy is clearly a danger to himself and others – particularly his fiancee. If he has such little concern for the laws of our Creator, such that he has had many sexual partners before his soon-to-be wife, then he is unworthy of your affection. Some would even say that by adopting the idea that Zina is not haram, or inapplicable to him, is Kufr. Let’s turn to you for a second, in this light: you clearly recognize the wrongfulness of your act of sleeping with him. Was it okay? No, of course not, but you have the opportunity and ability to repent and never let it happen again. He has not been given this opportunity, and is going to spiral out of control. Also, if this boy has been sleeping around, then as Masooma3333 said, you should get checked for sexually transmitted diseases.

    Fourth, you are angry at him. That’s understandable, but a bit misplaced. You set out to try and make him fall in love with you, to the point of taking him into your bed. There are two things to say here – (1) remember that you cannot make anyone fall in love; if you have to work to make them be merely attracted to you, then they’re not a good match for you. Trust me, there is someone out there who is right for you, and this bozo isn’t it. He deceived you to get into your bed (regardless of how willing you may have been). But he DOES NOT LOVE YOU. That should end the conflict in your mind. (2) remember that the act of sex – particularly outside of marriage – is only a physical act. There is no sense of Ibadah, no sense of love, no sense of emotion. It’s all the fulfillment of a physical need. Every aspect of sex, from the growing arousal to the climax, is designed to do one thing – improve the chances of fertilization and pregnancy. This is why the marriage bond is SO important – to allow a child born from the sexual act to be welcomed by parents who love each other. When we have sex within marriage, first of all, it is a form of Ibadah – worship – to Allah (swt), because Allah (swt) has commanded us to satisfy our spouses in may ways, including and especially sexually. Only within the bond of marriage is having sex a form of actual worship – consider this – SEX AS A FORM OF WORSHIP. So you have sex FIRST to please God, and then to please your spouse. If you’re starting out in an act of disobedience (by having sex with someone you’re not married to, which is forbidden), then everything else is just a furtherance of the sinful act.

    Think about it – you allowed a man to literally insert a part of his body – probably the dirtiest part – a number of inches INSIDE your the sanctity of your own body – all under the presumption that he would want to marry you. For you, since it may be more of an emotional experience, you should want to only allow such a deep (literally) intrusion into your body from someone you trust, love and have made a mutual commitment to live together forever. From a man’s perspective, he’s not going to be attracted to a woman because of how her vagina feels when he’s insider her, so the notion that sex LEADS to love is nothing more than a fantasy made up by popular culture. To a man, there’s very little difference in feeling from vagina to vagina, so don’t ever think that sex will make a man love you.

    Lastly, as to your actions after his engagement, remember that we are commanded to hide the faults of others. Admitting to zina yourself, is not advisable in public, nor is telling the world of his sin. Aside from labeling yourself as a sinner, you ruin your reputation first and foremost. Telling the fiancee about your sexual escapades with her future husband is a selfish act, which only affects your own credibility. As Miss Sunshine wrote, such action is spiteful.

    This boy was bad for you, in MANY MANY ways, even before you slept with him. You knew his history of being with many women before you, and you should have known then, as you know now, that he was bad for you. Think of it this way – let’s say you did marry – what would prevent him from cheating on you? Then you’d have an even bigger problem on your hands. This is what his Fiancee and any other woman he ever has a romantic or sexual relationship with in the future will have to face. Consider yourself lucky and blessed that this did NOT amount to marriage for you. You NEED to see him for the destructive person he was for you and eliminate him from your life completely.

    Allah (swt) has given YOU another chance to return to Him (Allah), and this is the only way out. Take the opportunity – fast often, pray often, read Qur’an often, read hadith often, do dhikr of Allah often. Spend your time LEARNING about your faith, its expectations, it’s laws and the wisdom behind those laws. Focus on faith, and not only will Allah (swt) bring you closer to Him, but He will make it easier for you to forget this destructive time in your life. May Allah (swt) guide you, open your heart, and protect you from evil. Ameen.

    • Hyde says:

      There used be a thing call lowering your gaze…I know, I know it is a really big joke that only “salafis, puritanical, patriarchal wahabis” only follow. Sex should be done with whomever and however as long as it consensual…right ?

      • JC says:

        Hyde, if one considers himself/herself a Muslim, but then refuses to accept that God’s command to not have sex outside of the marriage bond applies to him/her, then they may have committed kufr – that is the act of disbelief – which only comes from nullifying the applicability of God’s commands. Who are WE do nullify the commands of the One who Created us?

        I get it (at least I hope I get it)… you meant this with some sarcasm. Taking it one step further, here in the west, if you lower your gaze from someone’s face, you may end up staring at a woman’s partially exposed chest, or a man’s ‘package’ under tight pants, or a woman’s bare and tanned legs almost all the way up. So even lowering your gaze literally can be ‘dangerous.’

        But the concept of lowering the gaze, i.e., of acting with modesty and not letting one’s eyes stare at some part of a person for too long, still holds.

        Consent is an ELEMENT of sex – otherwise it’s rape, regardless of whether within marriage or not. But for the sex to be a source of blessings and reward, for it to be a means of pleasing God, it MUST be done (1) within the bonds of marriage, (2) for the purpose of pleasing God and one’s spouse, and (3) with all the respect, gentleness, romance, arousal, eroticism, and steaminess that one can muster up. YES, Muslims have STEAMY, EROTIC, SPICY sex. Actually, the more arousing and pleasurable, the better.

        But only within marriage.🙂

    • awesome post. loved it.

  10. As it is says:

    Zina is a sin – unfortunately it happens, we are human. Learn and repent, a guilty a conscience is a good thing. I think your head is in the right place with this.

    Communicating to the fiance – I think it’s fine that she should know what she is signing upto. I do not think it was fine for you to do that out of spite to cause him pain. That was unclassy. You slipped from the moral high road once more here. Move on, hoping his engagement breaks up so you can move back into the picture is, well, demeaning to yourself.

    Blaming the guy – I will call bull here. You were not forced. You were not lied to or cheated upon. You even knew his attitude towards casual relationships. YOU were the one who decided you liked him and decided to seduce him but things went into unplanned waters. He has his own failings of Iman to deal with, but YOUR pain is not his fault. Your tried something and it didn’t work out. Accept it. Own it. You are responsible for that. Learn.

    It’s not a easy road to walk back. So far you have let yourself get swept into your feelings. learn to bring them into rein. There are people that love you and you are being as callous towards them as he is by ignoring their feelings and focusing only on your own. That is human nature.

    God will forgive the repentant. Do not feel guilty that you turn to him in your time of need and not when you were joyful. He understands his creation. Try and remember him in the future when you clouds in your life have cleared out.

  11. I dont think Hyde is a muslim. If she is, then she’s definitely not serious with the deen. True Muslims know whats right from what’s wrong. Every true muslim knows that Zina is a major sin. I am not saying there is a pure saint anywhere. We are all guilty. But the ability to recognise what you’ve done wrong as a sin and repent is what makes all the difference.

  12. Maadmoisselle says:

    Salaams Sis!

    It takes a lot of courage (anonymous or not) to speak so openly like you did. I agree with “shy desi boy,” men are lousy. However, this is why Allah (swt) makes rules for all of his believers to aide by, this is why sex before marriage is prohibited, because Allah (swt) loves us more than men or any other person on this earth could love us so he aims to protect us by prohibiting what is bad for us and allowing what is good. This is not me condemning or shaming your actions, because I too had to learn the hard way, but I turned to Allah when I needed him, and that is not wrong nor do you have to feel guilty about it. Allah is the most merciful, you know what you did was wrong and you asked for forgiveness, doubting Allah’s mercy is something we as Muslims should never do. Just ask for forgiveness and don’t allow yourself to fall into the same cracks. I think this experience will make you stronger, not weaker or unable to trust anyone because sometimes women trust to easily. One thing I am sure of though is no one or nothing is ever worth ending your life. This is one incident in your (god willing) long life and years ahead of you, you have no idea who or what awaits you, what kind of happiness and love you will miss out on and you will completely fail in attaining Allah’s mercy by doing so. So live, laugh, and trust…life goes on.

  13. Alix says:

    Mon amie,
    Do not be afraid of what God will think of you! Of course it was a sin to sleep with your best friend before marriage, but God loves you no matter what you do! Never be anxious of what God will think if you turn to him during this sad time. You made a mistake and were impulsive for a time, so we all do. He forgives always.
    As for your friend, I think he made big mistake leaving you! It was not fair of him to encourage your love for him then tear you down. I am sorry he did this to you.
    Ton copine toujours, Alix

  14. “I wanted to be with him and convinced myself that I was going to make him fall in love with me. There were many girls after he broke up with my friend, but during this time we got closer.”

    I really feel for you, I do with the bottom of my heart. But why do women think that sex will help a man get closer to her? Knowing all this, having a true conviction that he is a player type- you still gave in. Why? I dont get it.

    I understand you must be going through a lot and I hope you find solace and peace. But this man is definitely not worth it. Inshallah, you will find an amazing man, inshallah!